I Have No Idea

I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m on vacation and I’m depressed. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II at the beginning of the summer and have since started medication to treat it. At first, it seemed like the medication was working, but now the depression is back. I’m on vacation and I’m depressed. The sky is gray, it’s too windy to sit outside. My family is playing board games that I’ve played too many times. I’m tired of these waves of exhaustion, waves of anxiety, waves of motivation, followed by waves of apathy. Sometimes I can’t stand myself. I want to go somewhere, but I don’t know where.

Until tomorrow morning, I am stuck in this house. This beach house. I’m trying to get ready for the work day ahead, but I’m having trouble concentrating, I’m having trouble caring. I hope this new medication I’m starting next week helps, but I’m not that hopeful. I’m afraid it might make things worse. In any case, I’m glad to be going home tomorrow. I’m stuck in this house with my family, this beach house, for 16 more hours. I’m on vacation and I’m depressed.